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Ich möchte das Jahr nicht ausklingen lassen, ohne euch eine schöne Weihnachtszeit und einen guten Rutsch in 2026 zu wünschen.
Und hier ist also der chaotischste und persönlichste Song, den ich je geschrieben habe. Darin verarbeite ich die beiden Geburten meiner Töchter. Die Älteste wurde per Notkaiserschnitt geboren, nachdem wir drei Tage im Krankenhaus waren und eine Sepsis begonnen hatte, die uns beide hätte töten können. Die Jüngere wurde auf natürlichem Wege geboren, erlitt aber eine Asphyxie und verbrachte die ersten Wochen ihres Lebens auf der Intensivstation. Alles ziemlich surreal. Wie dieser Song. Zum Glück sind wir alle hier, lebendig und gesund.
Music & Lyrics: Aurora Ferrer
Vocal arrangement: Aurora Ferrer & Eric Beckmann
Mix: Marc Maurer
Aurora Ferrer - Vocals, keyboards
Eric Beckmann - Drums
Dennis Bausdorf - Guitar
Raoul Zillani - Bass
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How’s she gonna be? How’s she gonna be? How’s she gonna
It’s been three days and I don’t see the time that this is over
How will then I be? Who am I gonna be? Who am I?
The drugs don’t hit, the blood is warm, dizziness’ s taking over
How’s she gonna be? How’s she gonna be? How’s she gonna
I smell my fear, my sweat, my doubts, my tears, my rage, my own blood
How will then I be? Who am I gonna be? Who am I?
When will this be over?
Dim the fucking lights, break the fucking lights, burn the lights
Pain will be eased by scissors, hammer, scalpel, drugs and forceps
Cut that fucking light, cut the fucking light, cut it now
I’m just hearing off-key nonsense
When’s she gonna cry? When’s she gonna scream? Is she dead?
Why doesn’t anyone tell me what’s happening to my daughter?
Do I hear her cry? Do I hear me cry? Who is crying?
When will this be over?
I’ll never come back to my self and I know now
What’s this stabbing pain? What’s this shooting pain? What’s this torture?
My arms and legs are being ripped off without a hint of mercy
I don’t feel my back, I don’t have a back, I don’t know
All those painful lights just flicker
Why does she not move? Why does she not breathe? Why’s she blue?
I smell my fear, my sweat, my doubts, my tears, my rage, my own blood
When’s she gonna cry? When’s she gonna scream? Is she dead?
When will this be over?
And all the things they said that I would know
Don’t matter here at all
Life will dance with Death at dawn
And drink tea after midnight - or until it’s over
The books, the thoughts, the strives, the wisdom sought,
Dilute in chloroform
And write strange symbols on the walls,
In silent screams and all for naught
I’ll never come back to my self and I know now
Why am I alone? Why do I feel alone? Where am I?
The room is full of people yet I feel the space is empty
When’s she gonna cry? Do I hear me cry? Am I dead?
All those voices making noises
Is this upside down? Is this down upside? Is this it?
From this position I can’t tell if I’m upright or lying down
Here’s the stabbing pain, here’s the shooting pain, here it is
When will this be over?
How’re they gonna be? How’re they gonna be? How’re they gonna
My days are endless and the years are but a breath away now
How will then I be? Who am I gonna be? Who am I?
What I need, it doesn’t matter
Why do I not move? Why do I not breathe? Why can’t I?
My body doesn’t know to do the things it used to know how
Still the stabbing pain, still the shooting pain, still the threat
It’ll never be over
And all the things they said that I would know
Don’t matter here at all
Life will dance with Death at dawn
And drink tea after midnight
Where’s my spirit now? Where’s my inner self? Where am I?
I cannot hear my own voice, in my head there’s only havoc
Do I exist now? Am I anyone? Do I count?
All I feel is off-key nonsense
How am I gonna be? Who am I gonna be? Where am I?
I am supposed to be content but all I feel is darkness
I don’t hear my voice. I don’t have a voice. Where’s my heart?
Maybe it is over
I’ll never come back to my self and I know now
And all the things they said that I would know
dilute in chloroform
Und hier ist also der chaotischste und persönlichste Song, den ich je geschrieben habe. Darin verarbeite ich die beiden Geburten meiner Töchter. Die Älteste wurde per Notkaiserschnitt geboren, nachdem wir drei Tage im Krankenhaus waren und eine Sepsis begonnen hatte, die uns beide hätte töten können. Die Jüngere wurde auf natürlichem Wege geboren, erlitt aber eine Asphyxie und verbrachte die ersten Wochen ihres Lebens auf der Intensivstation. Alles ziemlich surreal. Wie dieser Song. Zum Glück sind wir alle hier, lebendig und gesund.
Music & Lyrics: Aurora Ferrer
Vocal arrangement: Aurora Ferrer & Eric Beckmann
Mix: Marc Maurer
Aurora Ferrer - Vocals, keyboards
Eric Beckmann - Drums
Dennis Bausdorf - Guitar
Raoul Zillani - Bass
-------
How’s she gonna be? How’s she gonna be? How’s she gonna
It’s been three days and I don’t see the time that this is over
How will then I be? Who am I gonna be? Who am I?
The drugs don’t hit, the blood is warm, dizziness’ s taking over
How’s she gonna be? How’s she gonna be? How’s she gonna
I smell my fear, my sweat, my doubts, my tears, my rage, my own blood
How will then I be? Who am I gonna be? Who am I?
When will this be over?
Dim the fucking lights, break the fucking lights, burn the lights
Pain will be eased by scissors, hammer, scalpel, drugs and forceps
Cut that fucking light, cut the fucking light, cut it now
I’m just hearing off-key nonsense
When’s she gonna cry? When’s she gonna scream? Is she dead?
Why doesn’t anyone tell me what’s happening to my daughter?
Do I hear her cry? Do I hear me cry? Who is crying?
When will this be over?
I’ll never come back to my self and I know now
What’s this stabbing pain? What’s this shooting pain? What’s this torture?
My arms and legs are being ripped off without a hint of mercy
I don’t feel my back, I don’t have a back, I don’t know
All those painful lights just flicker
Why does she not move? Why does she not breathe? Why’s she blue?
I smell my fear, my sweat, my doubts, my tears, my rage, my own blood
When’s she gonna cry? When’s she gonna scream? Is she dead?
When will this be over?
And all the things they said that I would know
Don’t matter here at all
Life will dance with Death at dawn
And drink tea after midnight - or until it’s over
The books, the thoughts, the strives, the wisdom sought,
Dilute in chloroform
And write strange symbols on the walls,
In silent screams and all for naught
I’ll never come back to my self and I know now
Why am I alone? Why do I feel alone? Where am I?
The room is full of people yet I feel the space is empty
When’s she gonna cry? Do I hear me cry? Am I dead?
All those voices making noises
Is this upside down? Is this down upside? Is this it?
From this position I can’t tell if I’m upright or lying down
Here’s the stabbing pain, here’s the shooting pain, here it is
When will this be over?
How’re they gonna be? How’re they gonna be? How’re they gonna
My days are endless and the years are but a breath away now
How will then I be? Who am I gonna be? Who am I?
What I need, it doesn’t matter
Why do I not move? Why do I not breathe? Why can’t I?
My body doesn’t know to do the things it used to know how
Still the stabbing pain, still the shooting pain, still the threat
It’ll never be over
And all the things they said that I would know
Don’t matter here at all
Life will dance with Death at dawn
And drink tea after midnight
Where’s my spirit now? Where’s my inner self? Where am I?
I cannot hear my own voice, in my head there’s only havoc
Do I exist now? Am I anyone? Do I count?
All I feel is off-key nonsense
How am I gonna be? Who am I gonna be? Where am I?
I am supposed to be content but all I feel is darkness
I don’t hear my voice. I don’t have a voice. Where’s my heart?
Maybe it is over
I’ll never come back to my self and I know now
And all the things they said that I would know
dilute in chloroform