My Soul, Your Body

[Nimyr]

Hab einen alten Text von mir wiedergefunden ... vielleicht etwas sehr dramatisch, bin aber aufs Feedback gespannt.

Strophe 1
We saw it for a long time coming,
I will suffer from every word you say,
heal every wound that I got on me

We saw it for a long time coming,
and still now we are all the same ...

Bridge1
And now we're here,
everytime our eyes meet we just turn around and
fill the room with silence all around us
hey babe
you mean to me
the world and all the other things i got
mean nothing cause theres no one else than you

Refrain 1
I'm in your world you cannot stop me
so show me all your soul your body
I wanna see all babe, all babe, love me

I GAVE YOU ALL my soul my body
I GAVE YOU ALL I couldn't stop me

i gave you all all all all

Strophe 2
We saw it for a long time coming,
even though it's now we cannot change a fact,
too many wounds are right upon me

We saw it for a long time coming,
but now it's time for moving on

Bridge 2
And now we're here,
and we denied just everything that meant to us love,
filled the room inside only with bitterness
and pain
you mean to me
the world but all the many wounds we have
mean more right now there's nothing we can do

Refrain 2
I crawled I hurt, you didn't stop me
my little bird, simply stop me
I wan'ed you to love me, love me, all babe

NOW SHOW ME ALL your soul your body
FINALLY ALL end this honey

now show me all all all

Interlude
I gave my soul, you gave your body
I gave my soul, see where this brought me,
I gave my soul, you gave your body,
I gave my soul, this aint what it oughta be

i gave my soul, soul soul soul

I wanted to see all the things you have said
and now I see all the little things I regret
I scream goodbye now
Find a better place

I deserved more than you could give to me,
so goodbye – oh my sweet sweet darling
i scream goodbye now...

Refrain 3
We've been through dirt, I didn't stop this
my little bird, why didnt I change it
I wan'ed us to dive deep, fly free, lovely

SHARE OUR ALL, our soul, our body
FINALLY ALL our soul, our body

now show me all all all

 

[SoulFrontier]

How can I it say you?

It is not the yellow from the egg. You wrote German with English words. Aka Denglisch.
I brake together.

 

[Nimyr]

How can I it say you?

It is not the yellow from the egg. You wrote German with English words. Aka Denglisch.
I brake together.

Autsch, okay.. Kannst du beispielhaft ne Zeile zerpflücken und mir sagen, wies besser wäre?
Dass es nicht rund ist hab ich erwartet, dass es scheinbar so daneben ist nicht.

 

[SoulFrontier]

We saw it for a long time coming,

We saw it coming for a long time

and still now we are all the same ...

and now we are all still the same

you mea to me
and all the other things i got
mean nothing cause t

You mean everything to me, and nothing else matters

And so on

Der Text ergibt so keinen Sinn und das lässt sich nur schwer korrigieren.

 

[Nimyr]

Hm, okay. Ich dachte bei nem songtext wird eh immer n bisschen geschludert .. ist ja kein Brief oder aufsatz. Aber da lag ich wohl nicht ganz richtig.

Vielen Dank fürs Feedback auf jeden Fall, falls ich mich nochmal am Schreiben versuche werd ichs beherzigen.